I have often used the two-handed Recording and Listening exercise in which I talk about something going on, switch hands, listen, and then talk with the recorder in the other hand as the Mentor.  Recently I heard the Guide add an important dimension to this practice and it has made a huge difference.

What I heard was that the one who has the emotions, who is having the hard time, is often not the one allowed to speak.  The speaking may often come instead from an identification that is already justifying, making things better, or minimizing the true feelings.  So the real story, the real feelings (and the person having them) don’t get heard.  I could really see how that was so in my recordings and in my life.

I’ve done this practice a number of times.  With the recorder in my right hand, I really let the one who is struggling, sad, or furious speak.  When I switch the recorder to the left hand, I really listen.  And then I let the Mentor — authenticity — offer wisdom and compassion.  She lets the speaker know that she heard her and that she understands how she feels.  And the Mentor usually offers a different perspective on the situation.  Then the person who is suffering gets to listen to that wisdom and compassion. This practice has had dramatic results in changing habitual behaviors and perceptions.

What I’ve particularly seen as I practice this is that it has made me more aware of the listening and speaking I do in the world, with other people.  How often have I not really said what I was feeling?  How often have I not really listened to what others are saying?  Actually, how often when I am listening to my own voice on the recorder have I not really listened?

There is a reason that this is called a Recording and Listening practice!  In the beginning, I think I just saw the importance of picking up the recorder and talking into it as a way of disidentifying from the current story.  And, of course, that is important.  But I often didn’t listen right away because the voices said “Well, you just heard yourself say it, you don’t need to hear it again.” 

To my heart, it is important to really listen to this being.  To bring more kindness and compassion into the world, it is important to really listen to what everyone is saying.

Gassho.

Do you have a favorite R/L insight, idea, or practice tool? We’d love to hear it! Send us your favorite quick tip (75 words or less) or submit your idea for a blog post.