August 1, 2024
This is so typical. I set out to write an article about Recording and Listening, and so what do I do first? I start thinking about it, of course! And I'm immediately "rewarded" with an Idea: "You can title it, 'The incredible vanishing habit - my journey from 4x/day to 4x/month and back'! There must be many others who, like you, don't record as much as they want to. You can inspire yourself AND them! It'll be great!" I'm so excited to start writing it, that it's very puzzling how I never seem to actually start writing.
Then, finally, it drops in: why not talk about it with the mentor? I pick up the recorder, put it in the right hand: "Hey, Mentor, I need to write an article about Recording and Listening. I've been oscillating between doing a lot of Recording and Listening, and not so much Recording and Listening. The habit slips away like water through sand. I guess the conditioned lens on that would be, 'Well yeah, you just keep failing.'" I switch hands. Start a new recording. I get neither the pep talk, nor the full article outline, that I am expecting. Instead, just one question from the mentor: Why do you want to write the article? The whole recording is six seconds long.
Why do I want to write the article? Because Recording and Listening is an unexpected joy! Because the sound of my voice in my ear buds recalls me to my experience (by now, my long experience) of constant devotion: hours and hours and hours of being there for the one person I can truly be there for. Because just the memory of recordings from the True Reflections class is enough to bring me immediately to non-separation, to the joy of being part of the universe. Because I've received guidance to keep developing the relationship with the mentor, and Recording and Listening is the only way I know to do that. Because I am so grateful for the R/L practice, and gratitude wants to give.
So, as I said: typical. Of course egocentric karmic conditioning/self-hate wants to talk about how often I record and listen -- anything to stop me from recalling what a joy actually doing it is. And so, right here and now as I type, a new practice is born for me. Any thoughts on the topic of how often I record and listen will be met with this response: Who cares how often I R/L? The only question that matters is, what's it like when I do?
Gasshō.
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