Sitting down to write this, I hear familiar words: “I don’t know” (what to say).  Yes, “I” does not know.  What’s here?  Oh, a familiar process.  Great!  Let’s write about that!  

Being a participant in the Yearlong Retreat last year, having daily prompts on various processes, I noticed that regardless of the focus, a “don’t know” voice was dominant.  I began practicing stop, drop, notice and record when I heard the words “I don’t know.” Sitting still and bringing awareness to internal dialogue and sensations, I would speak about what was noticed and then listen back.  After expressing and listening to a recording of what was happening internally, I would set a timer for three minutes and simply BE.   

What was quickly discovered in these intermittent just-being breaks is that ego hates just being! The illusion of separation fiercely vied for attention, using negation terminology such as: “You didn’t…”  “You forgot….”  “You better….”   “You’ll never… “ “Why are you….” “You should have…”  “I don’t want....” “I’m not….” and on and on.  Nothing more than repetitive non-creative verbiage clouding attention.  There wasn’t much to be curious about after seeing how boring “it” was, so I began to use these breaks to redirect attention to what I wanted instead: relaxation and love. 

The next step was creating a folder in the Recording and Listening app titled “Relax and love.”  I recorded a short imagery to guide awareness to an experience of relaxation and love.  I would listen and afterwards, expand attention to the senses; feeling the breath, noticing air on skin, taking in sounds, smells, colors and textures.  Everything around me seemed to come alive (like the moment the screen becomes color in The Wizard of Oz)!  Energy would build, a smile and feelings of deep gratitude would appear!  I’d turn on the recorder and talk about what is HERE—so much Life to witness and be part of.  After listening back, there was a sense of being guided to the next thing, proving that indeed “I” did not know anything, and Life gently provided what next.  

We do not know anything beyond the moment, and we do have a choice about how to be with what is arising.  As the Guide has stated, “The quality of our life is determined by the focus of our attention.”  I choose relaxation and love.  What's HERE is relaxation and love.  How wonderful is that!?

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